Friday, 27 June 2014

Transformers Marathon: Transformers: Dark of the Moon. And this is why I stopped watching Transformers until recently

There are only a few things in this world I loath, despise, downright hate with a passion, and the movie that is being reviewed today is number 1 on that list. It takes a lot for something to make it onto this list, High School musical for example: thanks to my sister's love for it at one point, I can't stand the films, and they haven't made this list. Toy Time Galaxy's Purple coin challenge in Super Mario Galaxy and Super Mario Galaxy 2, they're brutal and I chewed through more lives then I'd like to admit, and its not on the list. Nor is Sonic '06 and Call of Duty, to those who know me personally, that alone should give you a indication of just how much it takes for something to make it onto this list. Not because its a awful movie, not because it has boring action scenes, not because its recycling the same plot from the last two films but because of how much this destroyed peoples views on the franchise. People have gone on record saying that this killed their childhoods if the last one didn't do it first.

I direct you all to here ( where you can find out just how messed up the production was for this movie in comparison to other films and get on with the review. I promise that none of the views or opinions in this are premeditated and have been made after rewatching this film recently, contrary to the opening paragraph I do go into reviews without past thoughts on the movie but I do watch the film trying to find all the flaws I can see with the film (without this becoming a episode of "Everything wrong with Transformers: Dark of the moon in X minutes, but I do recommend you watch that to see just how many flaws there are) as a reviewer and a fan of the franchise. As with all my reviews, I will keep this clean. This is my review of Transformers: Dark of the Moon.

The plot: Sentinel Prime made a device called the Space Bridge, a interstellar transport device that could take an object prom point a to point b. He along with a Autobot crew fled Cybertron and crashed on the moon, which started the space race of the 1960's. Optimus learns of the Ark's (the name of the ship) fate and goes to revive Sentinel and retrieve what they could of the Space Bridge, which is a series of "pillars". Sentinel is revived, betrays the Autobots because of a deal with Megatron , begins teleporting Cybertron, fails due to it being the final battle and then the credits roll. ANYONE ELSE SEING THE CONNECTION HERE (In a point in the past, the transformers show up with a weapon on/ near earth with the intention on using it, the Decepticons are revived, something shocking happens to the Autobots and we move to the final battle), and on top of that, the plot is almost exactly the same as the series of episodes "The Ultimate Doom from Generation 1 with "Megatron's Master Plan".

The subplot surrounding Sam is pathetic and so miniscule that it could be cut out of the movie and nothing would be lost (he's now looking for a job, which has somehow turned him into even more of a assh^&%). Probably the worst part of the plot is the connections it makes with the Cold War. In the original, the connections with the past and present are obvious and hinted at since the start of Sam's plot, the connections in Revenge of the Fallen are probably at their worst when comparing the three because they are so vague but its essentially ancient cultures from around the globe drawing ancient Cybertonian symbols, in Dark of the Moon, we can apparently thank the Ark crashlanding for the Space Race and the Chernobyl disaster. What aggravates me the most about it is that these events exist, I had to study these events during my schooling life (I will admit the Space Race was a personal one because I was interested in the technology at the time, still do), they even recycled footage from the Space race (and seeing as it takes up the first nine minutes of the movie...). With Revenge of the Fallen, yeah its fake and there's no proof of it so it doesn't bother me that much. Another problem with the overarching plot is the plot holes:

1. How can the deal exist between Megatron and Sentinel Prime, Megatron was frozen in the Ice and if they made the deal before then, why did it take over 100 years for the plan to be put into action
2. The Matrix of Leadership (something that was introduced in Revenge of the Fallen, so this is also a plot hole for that movie as well) can create Energon, so why doesn't the Decepticons go after it and use it to rebuild their planet instead of this plan with Sentinel?
3. Where were all of the Decepticons, that are alive, that are on the moon, while the battles in the last two movies were happening, I'm fairly sure that you don't need the Pillars if you use them
4. The Energon pillars that selectively work for the sake of plot do what for the movie?
5. After searching, I could not find a Helicopter that looked like the one Dylan Gourd used to fly from Washington to Chicargo, that could fly 516 nautical miles.
6. All the Autobots fitting in the first booster rocket of their rocket? Does it use T.A.R.D.I.S technology?
7. Why isn't Cybertron affecting Earth gravitational balance? The last time this happened, it almost destroyed the world

(and that's only a few that I could come up with)

While I'm on the subject of the plot, the writing to compensate for Megan Fox's removal from the movie is pathetic. It is plainly obvious that its supposed to be her in this and as a result, Carly Spencer (the new girlfriend played by Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) comes off as a bland character. What makes this most apparent is her excuse for meeting Sam, she worked for the British Emissary and she has a job managing a car collection, can someone explain to me how this is a promotion?

Revenge of the Fallen was hated because of its "comedy" and while I think this does a better job as there are some good jokes every now and then ("Why do the Decepticons get the good s@#^" as a example along with the multiple instances of foreshadowing Sentinel's betrayal with references to Star Trek, including the scene of the original series on Sam's TV and seeing as Leonard Nimoy voices Sentinel Prime (and also says his famous line for the Star Trek fans, even if it feels like he was brought in just for that line)) but most of the characters in this feel like their there for comedy relief which comes off as pathetic (including Igor and Jerry "Deep" Wang(need I say more with that one...)). The roll of Skids and Mudflap is now replaced by Dino (Mirage) and the Wreckers and while they're executed better, I don't get why the Autobots need accents. It never worked for Jazz, Skids or Mudflap and it doesn't work for Dino and the Wreckers. The only characters that I actually like in this are Simmons and Dutch and that's because Simmons seems to be the only one who has grown form the experiences of the last two movies and Dutch is a nice counter for Simmons, they work well off each other.

While most of the cinematography and animation is good, there are a few issues with it, mostly around Megatron and Q. When Megatron is shown off for the first time, it is so obvious (ts painful to look at) that the shots are two completely different places (it goes from Savannah when looking at the animals, to desert where he actually is). On top of that, in the scene where he's sting on the chair of Abraham Lincoln in Washington, if you pause it at 1:15:45, you can see that he's feet are actually clipping (occupying the same space) through the floor. Don't believe me?

There's your proof, that came straight from the movie, I did not edit that

Q (Wheeljack) on the other hand, the issue is the design of his face. While I like the resemblance to Albert Einstein, something that I think is a nice touch considering Wheeljack's personality, the final product is almost nightmare fuel inducing. Also, what was the reasoning behind the transformers now suddenly having blood? What's the purpose for it?

At 1:33:39 (roughly), the cinematography looks like its reusing trailer footage, with the same background "music" to boot, on top of that, its when the "final battle start and seeing as its almost a 2 and a half hour movie, it makes the final battle which takes up that whole hour (minus the credits) boring. There was barely any build up to it as it goes "revive Sentinel, discover Decepticon plan, teleport Decepticons, go to Chicago, final battle" and seeing as the last battle was in Chernobyl, it makes Dark of the Moon boring to watch, I struggled to finish it for this review. There were a few good scenes like the Death of Starscream (even if the "Boomstick" took longer to explode then 30 seconds) and the fight between Optimus, Megatron and Sentinel (though the intentions are pathetic) but there were other like Optimus being tangled in crane cables that were tedious to watch.

There are good things to this. While it is toned down compared to Transformers and Revenge of the Fallen, it does come with its benefits, the parents are toned down, there isn't a annoying room mate that's tagging along for no reason are just a few examples. The soundtrack also shares the problems and benefits the last two had so I'm not going to repeat myself again. Overall, I think that this is still one of the worst transformers films because of one reason, the one true insult for a action film. Its boring. I've asked several people for their opinions on Dark of the Moon and a lot of them have said the same thing. Its a crime for a action film to be called boring and when people who haven't seen the other films are saying this, imagine what people who have are. It is for that reason why I have this on my absolutely despised list though seeing it again, it isn't as bad as I remembered it. Its still bad, don't get me wrong, but it's better then I originally gave it credit for.

I was going to do Transformers Prime next but I need a break from Transformers. I will get back to Prime and I will also include a review of Transformers Animated and possibly other seasons and even some games. But for now I'm ending the review portion of the Transformers Marathon, I still have a few things to do on it before I finish it completely so next week, the last to posts for the first Transformers marathon.

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