Wednesday, 30 November 2016

Jem and the Holograms 2015: A new challenger approaches

To many, its generally accepted that Hasbro's endeavors into Live action movies... haven't gone too well. You've got the unfortunate juggernaut of Bayformers which have gotten worse over the years due to poor direction, movies like Battleship where you wonder who thought this would be a good idea in the first place, and now this movie. A movie that was in cinemas for a week before getting pulled because of how bad it is, one that's so blatantly pandering to the teenage audience that it makes people in my generation, hate my generation. So what are my thoughts on this movie?

Well, first of all, I need to do some apologies. First, to Transformers Age of Extinction. Why? Because since I reviewed you, I always thought you'd be the worst movie I'd ever see. Sadly my punching bag, you have been knocked down to second place. My second, is to all of you reading. Because if you're coming here for a proper review of this movie, then I am going to disappoint you, because this doesn't deserve it.

Let me say this, as the first point of the actual review. When you're making a movie that's named after an older IP, you do need to actually base it, in some form, off that old IP. I'm all for experimentation, but there are reasons why the original of anything has the fanbase that it has. if you thought Ghostbusters 2016 was bad, then ladies and gentlemen, you haven't seen anything. For this movie not only says F*$@ you to the fans of the original show, not only, apparently, completely ignores the source material (I cannot vouch as the only episodes I've seen you can view in the commentary on the Mediaholics Youtube channel), but has even edited fan videos that they asked for to and positioned them in a way to make it look like fans of the original show are praising the movie version of the Holograms in the movie itself. This is some next level a*@!)$! stuff right here.

For those looking for a review of the story. I can tell you right now, there is no story. Just by the numbers, focus tested to pieces, movie by chart evaluations contorted into something meant to resemble a story. I can't even begin to separate this from the slob that is the Disney channel teenage girl oriented movies because of how bland it is. There's nothing original to this other then things meant to be things from the show. At least in the first five episodes of the show, there was some laughably stupid things in it. It was campy and it loved it, wanted itself to be campy. Here? Tell me if you've heard this before, a mostly shut in teenage girl who's lost her parents discovers posts something online which gets massive amounts of attention, somehow, and with the help of a present their *insert parent here* gives them from beyond the grave, team up with their *insert friends or family here* to earn money so that they can protect their home, but the main character becomes selfish and must learn the meaning of *insert friendship and/or family here* to put on one last show to save the *insert thing here* while hooking up with a cute boy where its love at first sight and leaving sequel bait that will never happen. The genders can be swapped around a bit but you can't deny that you've seen this sort of thing play out in an uncountable number of movies.

Even the presentation's bland and by the numbers. None of the characters stand out in their own way, though to be fair the first five episodes of the show didn't do it either so would it be a homage? The music's teenage wannabe pop star muck trying to be good, and the lighting's awfully bleak about a movie that draws inspiration from teenagers being music stars using holograms for disguises. With Age of Extinction, its biggest problem was how bad the quality control was, as evident by the 50 word document pages worth of review. For Jem though, the blatant attempts at pandering combined with and even bigger middle finger to the fans of the original show, also known as the early adopters you don't want to piss off when you're trying to reboot a series, especially if you have the nerve to ask them to record themselves saying why they liked the original show to include in your movie, take away the throne from AoE to sit as the number one worst movie I have ever reviewed. Now to see if Michael Bay wants his title back in The Last Knight. I need a break from all this, I need to go to somewhere I can just relax. Is the ferry to Hoenn still available? because I'm going to check in with Ruby and Sapphire.

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