Wednesday, 14 December 2016

First Impressions: Transformers The Last Knight

"Now to see if Michael Bay wants his title back in The Last Knight." You know, when I wrote that, I was assuming, hoping I had until the Superbowl to find out, as every other Transformers trailer has come out during the Superbowl. So why break it up now? Well wishful thinking is that the review of Jem is what brought the trailer out so early. Realistically, its Rouge One, everyone fighting to have their trailers shown before the new Star Wars movie. Will you be seeing more First Impressions on here in the coming weeks as a result? Probably, seeing as I haven't done a solo one since... Ghostbusters 2016 are you F!@#*(! kidding me? Sorry for this taking longer then 24 hours, but if you've seen my reviews on the first four Bayformers movies, then you know why I've been procrastinating. No, I'm not going to hide it, I've been putting off writing this post because of the last movie, in fact I'm continuing to put off writing about the trailer in the post itself because of Age of Extinction.
Raise your hand if you think that tag line isn't going to go anywhere?

As a friendly reminder, and a clarification on my views of the Bayformers movies

Movie 1: Objectively, its a bad movie, but to me it is still the best in the series because of what it set out to do, how close to the source it is while making enough differences to be entertaining, and it's a guilty pleasure of mine. Not a movie I'll look at all the time, but one I'll watch if I'm in the mood or its on TV

Movie 2: Far worse then the original, by taking some of the worst bits from the first one, and blowing them out of proportions. The crude humor in the first one was semi tamed, but here its almost unbearable. I'm looking at you Skidds, Mudflap and Simmons.

Movie 3: Boring. Absolutely boring. Nothing more to say on the matter.

Movie 4: Age of Extinction was the worst movie I had reviewed before Jem and the Holograms. I still cannot believe the lack of care that went into the editing of this movie. I expect that kind of editing on knock off cash grab movies, not a cinematic blockbuster. I can only let slide so much before I have to start asking "Who the f#$( thought this was ready for final test viewing, let alone public release?"

Now we come to the trailer for movie 5, The Last Knight. And to spare people this, even before the trailer came out, my view of The Last Knight was "Unless its 3 hours of a dead corpse with a sign saying "F@)! you we took your money dumbass", it cannot possibly disappoint me, and even if it did that I'd be impressed that they had the courage to do that". The bar that is my expectations cannot get much lower.

Adding in the trailer? "Bay, what have you gotten yourself into?". So. We have King Arthur and by continuation, Arthurian Legend but along with that we have Nazis, apparently Unicron, though I am hesitant to give that name to it because as I said in my Top 20 bayformers bot predictions, where do you go from Unicron? Especially because we're not getting Galvatron back apparently not coming back. But what does lend credibility to it is that we are getting Hot Rod in the movie, so many are thinking this is Prime's last hurrah, "for reals this time". One flaw in that theory is that "everyone loves bumblebee". According to leaks, we also have more British stereotypes, I mean British transformers, Headmasters, a Minicon who suffers from what I'm calling Bay Bee syndrome, in that all it can say is Chihuahua "which is totally not going to get annoying at all really fragging fast". The trailer itself though is very coy, showing off moments, but not anything that would give a hint to the story, but in this case I don't care because its somehow going to be "Autobots need to find meguffin before Decepticons do to save the world from destruction". Don't believe me? Watch the last four movies again.

So, lets talk about the theories. Optimus having Purple eyes, highlighting the clash of good and evil in him. Well, the obvious thing they could do is have his evil form be Nemesis Prime, but why would he be doing this? Well, one thing could be that he is a knight of Unicron, or becomes a knight of Unicron like how Megatron became Galvatron in the original movie. This is the first writers room movie, so things like that are more possible. Another being the megufin. I personally think there's two. One that's going around is Excalibur is actually the Star Saber, with the knights of Cybertron being its protectors. I think that's almost certain, and could lead to a future movie having Star Saber the character coming in. Leaks do say that Prime returns to earth looking for the tool to revive Cybertron, which I doubt would be the planet cutter Star Saber, so that one could be, if its not the sword, Merlin's Staff. You can thank the Sun and Moon  Alchemy theories for this chain of logic, but seeing as the point of magic and alchemy was life, immortality, so having an cybertronian object that does that would make you a powerful magician in Arthurian legend, would it not? Plus it would be a nice balance. An artifact of destruction, and one of creation, representing Unicron and Primus themselves.

One thing I did get from the trailer was a distinct lack of Decepticons, which does lead me to believe that we're barely getting any again which is a shame, because we are getting a con called Onslaught, I'm not buying that it is combatacon Onslaught because he's now a standard tow truck, but it still doesn't mean I don't want to see Bruticus... so long as it actually has some resemblance to Bruticus and isn't cut from the same cloth as Bayformers Devastator. The Headmaster concept could be interesting, along with one I didn't mention being baby dinobots, but I have to ask, where did they come from? They establish the dinobots are all male, because this is a Michael Bay movie, so they couldn't breed, and if the babies were dug up, then that would have caused a mass panic, well, more of one then the Dinobots being allowed to roam free, so where did these come from? Granted I've always wanted to see a Velociraptor Dinobot.

Am I expecting something good? No, not at all. What I expect is something better then Age of Extinction because you cannot make something worse then that pile of trash. In fact, its not just an expectation, its the bare fraging minimum that should be at cinemas. Am I seeing it at cinemas? No, unless if I'm just that bored, and reviewers who aren't biased in either direction say that it is a good movie, a genuinely good movie, not "its better then *x*" good. I do have two more First Impressions planned, those being the LEGO Batman Movie, and Spiderman Homecoming. Going to try and get them out by next week, lets see how well that turns out, shall we?

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